So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
