Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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