Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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