hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
