okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
