exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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