All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
