i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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