I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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