Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
