this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
