I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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