OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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