You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Congratulations! We have a period
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
