Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
