just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
