My brain says no but my pants say off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
