Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
