we have officially lost it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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