What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
