I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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