I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sarcasm needs its own font
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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