that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
