So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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