I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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