If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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