when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize