I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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