if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i now understand why vodka
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
