i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize