But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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