So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
