wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize