she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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