I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
