i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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