3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
