I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
