hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
