Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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