mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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