Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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