I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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