so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
