Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
