counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
