remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize