I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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