Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
