the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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