Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
