Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize