he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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