He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
