SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
