Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
