They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
