ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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