I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
