you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
