i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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