If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
