Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
