id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
