You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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