put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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