glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
