so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
