don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
