Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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