I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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